How do you report emotional abuse? Because police stations needs proof

I was abused emotionally and I wasn’t aware it was abuse for 9 months. When I realized that this is serious it was already late. I met this guy and I wasn’t in any relationship and he told me that he was single too. The guy had a kid from a previous relationship and he briefed me how he wasn’t happy on that relationship.

We never got on details about it and I let him be because I could see that he’s not ready to talk about it and it was okay I understand. We would chat about random stuff and it was okay.

We get very close and we were happy, we enjoyed each others company. The good morning and goodnight texts or calls were our everyday thing. We would chat throughout the day and we never had a single day where we didn’t talk.

We had our little fights like everyone but down the line I noticed some changes and he told me that I have to understand him because his baby mama hurt him so its not easy for him. I would feel sorry for him and try to understand and support him. This happened for sometime.

Boom things changed, the guy was no longer calling me I had to call him and whenever I called he would talk to me like he doesn’t want to talk at all. I was worried thinking maybe its something I said or did but when I ask he would tell me he’s okay maybe I’m the one who’s not and if I want to tell him something I must tell him and stop beating the bushes. It happened for sometime and if I didn’t text him on WhatsApp we won’t talk.

In some days I would tell myself that I’ll wait for him to text me 1st because I was noticing that I’m always the only one to text him or call him and it gets worse if I didn’t call or text him that day we won’t talk at all. I made peace about it and I would call or text in the morning to check up on him and during the day ,again before I sleep I would check him and make the good night calls.

I was hurting because when I ask he would tell me we are okay he doesn’t know what I want I’m always seeing things because I want to fight,some days I would text him in the morning and get a response in the evening. I knew I was unhappy but I didn’t know what to do because when I ask him about it we would end up fighting and we won’t talk for days,I’ll have to apologise for a week for asking him about that.

I wants to let him be and leave that relationship but I loved him and when I tell him I can’t stand for that he would be sweet and tell me that I know he’s not okay because his baby mama hurt him and I know that he doesn’t like fighting.

The guy would ignore me for days and when I ask he would tell me that he withdrew because he noticed I want to fight. It hurt me because whenever I ask him about what was going on I always make sure I’m cool very polite. I tried to find out what was going on, I checked and find out that he was still dating the baby mama when I asked him he told me that it was my fault because sometimes I don’t call him like I used to and I’ve changed.

It hurt me because I was trying by all means to show him how much I loved him and he still ignored me. We dated while I knew his also seeing his baby mama and he then cheated with some girls. I would talk to him about it and he would tell me how he always thought I was way better than my behavior and how he sees that I never loved him, he would say hurting things and tell me that I’m broken that is why my previous relationships never worked.

For sometime I thought I was bad for relationships,the guy would insult me and emotional blackmail me so that I will feel like I’m the one whose wrong. I was always apologising because everything was my fault. He slept with my friend and I catch them he never apologise or even feel sorry about that he said it was my fault because whenever he visits my place I’m always with that friend.

He gave me excuses and I also thought it was my fault, I stayed in the relationship. A lot of things happened and we would go for days not talking,one of the things I noticed he was always having problems and I will have to listen. If its not a that he would be sick and call me,he would tell me how I know he has no body to go to except me when he had problems.

I stop dancing for his gittar for a while he would call me and tell me stories,borrow money that he wouldn’t give me back. He would act like he forgot he’s owing me and when he gets money he would go out with friends and only come to me when he needs something. We would be in good terms when he feel like he want to be good if he doesn’t he would just ignore me.

One day I was hurting, crying as usually and my pillows were wet,my eyes were swollen I get up get my water bottle and stand in front of the big mirror in my bedroom. I had a chat with the little girl in me who would agree when I was told its my fault, the little girl in me who always cry and wet my pillows. I told myself that this is the end of it,I told myself that I won’t cry again for this I’m done this is the last day and it ends right now.

I had to stop it that day and I deleted everything that link me with him,I then drank my water. It wasn’t easy because I loved him and I still loved him when I took that decision, I would literally beat up myself because I wanted to call him every day was a struggle. He only noticed that I wasn’t calling or checking him after 3 weeks .

He came to me and asked what’s going on, I told him that I had to let him go for both our sake. He begged me and told me how he can’t survive without me,he reminded me that we had promises that we made and I knew that if I want to be happy I must let him be happy without me though. He would send me threats and told me that he knew I didn’t love him but I never looked back.

  • I was ignored by the very same person who told me he loved me and he wanna be with me
  • He cheated and told me that it was my fault
  • I made means to communicate and clear things about our relationship and I was told that I’m always ready to pick up fights
  • When I tried talking to him he would says I’m always worked up
  • I was insulted everyday when we fight about my infertility.

It was during winter season when I was robbed my virginity.

One of the cold nights in eastern cape my mom woke me up and told me we have to go to our neighbor’s house. She took me and my two brothers there and left us because she had to go to work. One of the forests where she was working at was burning and she was on standby so she had to go to work with her colleagues to stop the fire.

At neighbor’s house it was a family of three,two kids a boy,his sister and their mother. The boy was older than us. We got there with our mattresses so that we won’t bother them,their mother showed us where we can put our mattresses and it was on the passage front opposite the kids bedroom. I still remember like it was yesterday, my brothers made me sleep in the middle because it was cold. In midnight while we were sleeping the boy shook me to wakeup and told me his mom says I must go sleep on the bed because its cold on the floor.

I was 8 years old,a little innocent and naive girl I did as he say. He showed me the bed and went to sleep on the mattress with my brothers and I sleep on his single bed. I must have fallen asleep because I felt an heavyweight on top of me,it was the neighbor boy. He took off my pants already and he was on top of me trying to push himself in me.

I cried,shouted and he putted a pillow on my face and told me that if I cry again he’s going to throw me out of his place I must remember where am I. The boy raped me I was crying silently while he helped himself and I was bleeding he told me to go and bath.

I bathed in cold water. He then made me wash his bed sheets while everyone was still sleeping when I was done he took our key and told me that he’s taking me home because his mom would kill me if she can wakeup while I’m still there after I messed their sheets.

I was shaking scared and still crying silently it hurts and I was cold. That was the day I loose apart of me. It still hurts everyday when I think about it.

The following morning when my brothers came back to our place they were laughing at me. They told me that they know why I left early there and they know why I was crying because I’m always whining. I cried they laughed, I couldn’t talk to anybody there was a sharp pain in my heart piercing my heart I hated every minute of my life.

My mom came back,I over heard them telling my mom what happened after she asked them how did they sleep. They told my mom that the boy from next door slept on the floor with them and he said he gave me his bed because he felt sorry for me that I’m sleeping on the floor and it was cold. Then when he wakes up his bed was wet and smelling pee and I was gone.

They told my mom the boys mother and the boy are angry because “he had to wash his sheets and I didn’t even apologized I sneak out and left”. My mom came to me and beat me up she force me to go and apologise there for that. He was shouting at me I had to go there and apologise.

My mom told the neighbor she can punish me for that because she hate such and the neighbor didn’t beat me she only gave me a punishment to clean her dustbin and clean her yard for a week.

In the afternoon that day I went to pickup papers and dirty stuff on the yard and the boy came to me and told me it was all my fault if I didn’t cry and shout he was going to be gently and I wouldn’t even bleed.

I lost myself on that night and its been 23 years since then. Today I’m telling a girl who was raped that it wasn’t your fault girl don’t blame yourself. Today I know it wasn’t my fault. The boy who raped me,the boy who lied to his parents and the boy who told me that it was my fault lied,IT WAS NOT MY FAULT.